How to Deescalate Someone: 3 Quick Keys to Regain Control

Deescalating someone who is angry and out of control can be a challenging situation. In this article, we will explore three quick keys that can help you effectively deescalate just about anyone. By following these steps, you can create a safe and supportive environment where the person feels heard and understood. Let's dive in.

Step 1: Validate Their Feelings

When someone is angry and fired up, it's important to validate their emotions. Acknowledge how they feel without judgment or criticism. Let them know that you understand their anger and that it's okay for them to feel that way. Remember, emotions are valid, even if their actions may not be.

Step 2: Help Them Explore Options

Once the person feels validated, it's time to help them explore their options. Let them know that they have a choice in how they act. Discuss the consequences of their impulsive actions and encourage them to consider alternative ways of handling the situation. By stepping back and looking at the bigger picture, they can see a wider range of possibilities.

Step 3: Respect Their Free Will

Finally, it's important to respect the person's freedom of choice. Let them know that whatever decision they make is their own, and you will support them regardless. By providing a safe emotional space, you empower them to make more rational and compassionate choices. When they feel accepted and understood, they are more likely to deescalate themselves.


Deescalating someone requires empathy, patience, and understanding. By validating their feelings, helping them explore options, and respecting their free will, you can create a positive and peaceful outcome. Remember, deescalation is not about winning an argument or proving someone wrong. It's about creating a safe space for growth and resolution. Practice these three keys, and you'll be well-equipped to deescalate anyone in any situation.

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